Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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