I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
