Michael Bay diarrhea
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
