Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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