Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
