Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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