HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
