I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
