I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All the doctor said was why
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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