After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
