all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
