You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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