I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
