Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
