alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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