Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
