don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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