what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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