he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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