alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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