she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
