2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
