would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
