im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
