Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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