nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
