Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
