Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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