Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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