how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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