If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
