I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
