It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wear drunk well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
