HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
