did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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