I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
