I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
