Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
