Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
did i just pee glitter
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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