Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
