just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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