I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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