just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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