Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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