i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
