addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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