Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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