FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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