john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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