I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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