Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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