Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My cat gives me a boner
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
