If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
