So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Screwed.edu
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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