Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
