Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
