Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
