My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
