Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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