Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
