my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
