last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
