You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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