Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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