ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
