Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
