he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
