Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
