may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
