His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize