I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Houston, we have a blender
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
