The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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