FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
