Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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