My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
