Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
