I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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