I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
