The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
