Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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