totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
