I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
