We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
