So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
