Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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