he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
