Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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