So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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