Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
