i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
