No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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