she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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