My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
